quirkyblogger: I love you, BFF (sadrhino)

So, on Friday, I wrote this on Facebook:

Here’s the thing – if you want to diet and exercise and hate your body, fine. Whatever. You’re grown. My issue is when you want ME to hate my body or my daughters to hate theirs. Fat, thin, somewhere in-between, I’ve been all those things, and size has yet to affect my value as a human being. Skinny or fat or somewhere in-between, I’m still a goddamn rock star. (And so are you, regardless of what your scale says.) Word to ya mutha.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I write a Facebook status in the heat of the moment, I leave things out. I say things less clearly than I could have. So, I want to clarify the above – I have no issue with diet or exercise, per se. My own approach is to eat what I want, when I want and however much I want. I listen to my body about how foods make me feel physically. I follow my own hunger/satiety cues. With exercise, I move my body in ways I enjoy and ways that feel good to me. Period. Your approach might be different, and that’s cool.

It’s cool right up until I see you body policing or shaming others, even if you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. But think it over – every time you pin some bullshit “thinspo” on Pinterest, you are telling the people who follow you, “Yup, I believe size matters. I believe girth determines worth. I don’t think I’m good enough because my scale gives me a number that other people have told me is too high, etc, etc, etc.” And my friend, I’m done buying that particular pile of crap. I’m also done with people who think body policing and fat shaming are good ideas, even when they’re only doing it to themselves (and I’ve yet to meet a motherfucker who confines that shit to their own bodies only, but I’ll give the benefit of the doubt here).

I’ve spent too long as the rhino on that picture up there. I’ve spent too many years wanting a different body and different hair and a DIFFERENT ME ALTOGETHER, OMG WHY DO I SUCK SO MUCHHHHH? I HAVE TO TRY HARDER!! I don’t want to spend any more time doing that. Instead, I’d like to eat the things I like that make me feel delightful. (Gluten is still my enemy, FTR, but it’s not because I view it as “bad” or “good.” My body simply doesn’t respond well to gluten. I’m listening to my body when it says, “Hey, this stuff? Makes me sick. Really!”)

I want to run because I feel like running. I want to run because running makes me feel good. Not because I’m looking at some thin broad on a magazine and wishing to look like her. I want to dance because I love to dance, and it makes me feel awesome. (Even if I look horrible while doing it.) I want to move my body to feel fabulous, not because I want to look like someone else.

What’s more important – I want my GIRLS to do these things. I want them to eat things that make them feel good. I want them to treat food as the absolute pleasure it should be while also nourishing themselves. I want them to understand that food doesn’t address anything but hunger and that exercise is designed to make you feel great, not to make you look a certain way. I also want the world at large to understand these things.

Further, I’d like the world at large to acknowledge that weight means jackshit. All you can tell about a fat person is they’re fat. You don’t know if they exercise or eat right or anything else. All you know is they’re fat. So stop the judging, okay? Plus, we live in a country where the majority of folks are overweight. So…like…really, Americans? REALLY? But I digress.

TL;DR – stop hating your body, and start listening to it. Girth says nothing about worth. Etc, etc, etc. Just love yourself, ‘k? ‘K. Oh, and SAY NO TO THINSPO. Please.

quirkyblogger: I love you, BFF (sorry I'm awesome)
So, I know. I promised this post LAST WEEK. But well, I sort of got caught up in real life. My bad, my bad. But today we can talk about haters and how to deal with them. Let me say upfront – this is not going to be about making yourself feel better at others’ expense. I don’t buy into that. I think as long as you need to put someone else down to make you feel good, you’re not loving yourself. Not in a real, lasting fashion.

As an example, I’m a great knitter. I can knit with the best of them. Since I really, truly accept this as a fact, I have no need to compare my knitting to someone else’s. There are better knitters in the world, I’m sure, but hell, what do I care? I do the job pretty damn well, and that’s enough. So, let’s apply this to our looks because God knows, we’re told and told and told that our looks aren’t good enough…unless we’re buying someone’s makeup or lotion or whatever. THEN, we can be the sexiest bitches ever. But that’s another rant.

I have a very, very hard time accepting that I’m pretty. I do NOT accept this as a fact. Not way down deep where it counts. So I’m forever comparing myself to others. Sometimes, favorably; mostly, not so much. Now, if I were to accept that I am beautiful as a fact, I wouldn’t bother with the comparing. It simply wouldn’t matter to me if someone were prettier or thinner or whatever. Conversely, I wouldn’t have to look for ways I’m prettier/thinner/whatever with someone else. My own prettiness would be enough.

And right there…did you see it? THAT is how you deal with haters. Well, most of the time. (I plan on talking about how to get appropriate health care in tomorrow’s post which is already written, so NO WAITING THIS TIME!) You remind yourself that you are enough. Your looks, your brains, your talents – all enough. Then, you remind yourself that someone who is being ugly and hateful is doing what they can do to survive. They’re trying to make themselves feel better. It’s not healthy, but they don’t know another way.

Now is this an excuse to ignore that type of shit? Of course not. But it IS a way to remind yourself that you don’t have to take on someone else’s issues. Anytime someone is nasty to you, treat that shit like “The Watchtower,” politely refuse and hand it right back. (“The Watchtower” is the Jehovah’s Witness magazine. I mean no offense to Jehovah’s Witnesses. The ones I’ve met all seem like nice people. But I still don’t want the damn magazine.) And by “hand it back”, I do NOT mean tell them all the ways they suck. Just let them know that whatever is THEIR problem, not yours, and you’re not going to MAKE it your problem, thank you very fucking much.

I want to say something that might be upsetting, but I’m going to say it anyway. If the haters in your life are friends or family, let them know the hate stops or they go. Period. If you find your sister/aunt/mother saying shit that would have you punching a stranger right in their gonads, tell them to knock that shit off immediately. Let them know that you’re ALL DONE with feeling like shit about yourself. If they can’t get on board, they can get the fuck out.

Does that sound hardcore? Yeah? Well, it is hardcore. But from experience, I’m telling you – as long as you allow people in your life who shit on you, you will never get hold of this idea of loving yourself. Every time you try to lift yourself up, they will be there to knock you right back down. Again, this is a lack of self-love on their part, but knowing why doesn’t make it acceptable. It just makes it easier to take it less personally.

The biggest part of dealing with haters is to remember they are human beings in pain trying to find relief and to LOVE YOURSELF. I feel like I should make a macro that says LOVEYOURSELFLOVEYOURSELFLOVEYOURSELF over and over and over here. Heh. So. There you go – how to deal with haters. (At least in part.) Tune in tomorrow for some anecdotes about shitty doctors and how I dealt with them.

August 2013

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