quirkyblogger: Coffee first! Then your mundane bullshit. (coffeefirst)
[personal profile] quirkyblogger
So, a lot of you know that I've been on board the size acceptance train for a while now. First, I want to clarify something - I am about SIZE acceptance, not just FAT acceptance. I don't think it's okay to trash talk anyone of any size. My own personal experience is with being fat, yes, but that doesn't mean I think it's okay to talk shit about skinny chicks.

ANYWAY, I had a really rough time yesterday. It's actually been building for a few days, but last night was when it came to a head for me. For a very long time, I've had it in the back of my head that if we get my medications right, I'll lose weight. So sure, I'm fine with being in this body because it's not going to be like this forever. Yeah, being fat is what it is because I'm not going to be fat much longer. I love myself just the way I am because it'll be over soon.

Last night, I realized I might very well be stuck in this body forever. Given everything that's been wrong and how LONG it's been wrong, it's quite likely that my metabolism will never be what it was. It's very possible that I am going to look like this for the rest of my life. That was utterly and completely horrifying to me, even though I know better. Even though I accept other people who are my size or larger as being beautiful.

Even right now, I am thinking about the things I could do to lose weight, and then I'm thinking about the actual real life success rates of those things. I'm also thinking about how weight cycling is more detrimental to my health than just staying fat. I'm thinking about how I need to focus on behaviors and let the weight fall where it may. But I'm also thinking if I'm going to stay fat forever, why bother?

It's hard. It really is. And I just wanted to put it out there in case anyone else out there is struggling between these two ideas.

Note: I'm disabling anonymous/non-friend comments since this is a public entry. If you'd like to comment and don't want to create an LJ account, feel free to comment on my FB page. :)
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User (will be screened if not on Access List)
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

August 2013

S M T W T F S
    123
45 678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 04:37 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios